Swalicoomb People's Republic of Bjsdksskallfslk111ilikeappleslolyoutube+timemachines=epicpwnage

The Swalicoomb People's Republic of Bjsdksskallfslk111ilikeappleslolyoutube+timemachines=epicpwnage, often shortened to the Swalicoomb People's Republic or simply Swalicoomb Republic, is a civilization founded by the Swalicoombs in Swalicoomb Land. Legally, it is technically under the juristiction of the Temporary Government of the Extremity, since no appropriate Swalicoomb official ever severed the connection when the Swalicoombs created an independant state. Since they no longer abide by TGE laws, this would usually result in a warning and then a large fine. An exeption is made for the Swalicoombs, however, given their total insanity.

Government
The Swalicoomb Republic has five branches of government:  The Executive Branch, the Parlaigressional  Branch, The Judicial Branch, the Tea-Time Branch, and the Department of Giggle Regulation. All the branches come under the authority of the monarch of the Swalicoombs, recognized as the monarch of kookiness everywhere. The function of the Executive Branch is to oversee the Swalicoomb police force and military, to manufacture toffee, to approve laws created by the Parlaigressional Branch, and to oversee the Swalicoomb educational system, which does such important things as teach Swalicoomb children to slobber properly. The executive branch consists of the police force, the military, government workers, toffee makers, educators, and expert slobberers. The high government officials of the Executive Branch meet in the Olive Office, which is housed in the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves House. The president of the Swalicoombs is in charge of the Executive Branch and is elected once every five minutes. The Executive Branch officials stick toffee up their noses, and they are generally called "toffee noses" for this reason. The meetings of the officials in the Executive Branch consist of all of them going into the Olive Office, each shutting themselves in their own snug soundproofed cupboard, and flailing around and blabbering incoherently until the doors open automatically. Once this happens, they have ten seconds to get out until a high power laser incinerates whatever is in the cupboards. The officials also approve laws in the Olive Office. The laws are delivered through the window by stork or conveyor belt or teleportation (it varies). The government officials stamp the laws with their seals of approval while chanting "blablablabla..." in a monotone. The Parlaigressional Branch is in charge of law making, training chefs, determining how offensive compliments are, and trimming nose hairs. It has two parts:  The House of Commoners and the Senate of Lords. There was once also a Stable of Knights, but all Swalicoombs unanimously voted for it to be abolished when one of the knights in it sat on a couch. The House is overseen by a speaker (what brand of speaker varies, it is currently a Dolby speaker). The Senate is overseen by the princess or prince of the Swalicoombs, the daughter or son of the Swalicoomb monarch. Currently the Senate is overseen by Princess Dralbkdslfa, eldest daughter of King Huv5ka@% of the Swalicoombs (his name is pronounced "vum.")  The entire Parlaigressional Branch is overseen by a prime minister, and the Speaker of the House of Commoners and the Princess of the Senate of Lords answers to them. The officials of the House of Commoners are called common people, peasents, or serfs. They have absolutely no say in anything and must take orders from the officials of the Senate of Lords, who are called nobles, lords and ladies, or highborn. There are no ranks in the House of Commoners, but numerous ones in the Senate of Lords. The lowest official in it is a lord or lady, next up is a baron or baronett, then comes a stinkysock or stinkysockess, then a margrave, then an earl, then a count or countess, then a marquise, then a duke, then a lets duke it out, then ducke, then an archduke, then an archducke, then an arcduke, then an arcducke, and finally the  princess or prince of the Swalicoombs. Meetings of the Parlaigressional Branch consist of the nobles commanding the peasents to attend to their every whim while they chat with friends on Headmovie, and then telling them to write laws. The serfs promplty get out their typewriters (they aren't allowed to have any advanced technology during work) and slap their hands randomly across the keys to produce papers full of gibberish. These are the Swalicoomb laws. Then the commoners also have to train chefs, determine how offensive complimets are, and trim people's nose hairs. The function of the Judicial Branch is to uphold the law, promote good behaviour, provide criminals with the latest handy gadgets for commiting crimes, bust people out of jail, create video games, and go bowling. The Judicial Branch is made up of the Soupreme Quart, so named because it has the Swalicoomb's highest law, a sacred quart of soup, in it, which can only be sipped by officials of the Quart. This quart is replenished every year. The sacred soup is made by mixing boogers from the noses of the Soupreme Quart officials noses, toffee supplied by the Executive Branch, nose hairs supplied by the Parliagressional Branch, zombie blood tea from the Tea-Time Branch, and laughing gas from the Department of Giggle Regulation. It is traditional for all the Soupreme Quart officials to sip the soup before conducting a quart case. This may be why all the Soupreme Quart officials regularly turn into zombies and must be replaced. The officials of the Soupreme Quart are the justices, and are overseen by a chief justice, who is chosen for being the most powerful and influential criminal in Swalicoomb Land. The chief justice traditionally sits inside a giant soup bowl which is constantly spun around and around by the other justices. The only time the bowl is not spun is when the chief justice is hearing a quart case. Chief justices generally throw tantrums when their bowls are not spun except for during quart cases. The punishment for a justice refusing to spin the chief justice's bowl is the amputation of an eyelash. Being the only quart in Swalicoomb Land, the Soupreme Quart has a lot of work to do, it arbitrates about ten thousand cases per day. The sentences given out by the Soupreme Quart are totally random, regardless of the crime. The function of the Tea-Time Branch is to make tea, kill zombies, spank naughty bits of dandruff, and draw smiley faces on balloons. The Tea-Time Branch officials are called teater-totters, and make tea constantly. Their assistants, meanwhile, spank dandruff, kill zombies, and draw smiley faces on balloons. The co-leaders of the Tea-Time Branch are called the tea cup, the tea pot, and the tea bag. No tea can be distributed to the public before all three of them have performed a purification ritual on it. This ritual consists of the tea cup spitting in it, followed by the tea pot drinking it and vomiting it up, and finally the tea bag taking this and putting it up their nose, then snorting it out. Meetings of the Tea-Time Branch consist of the officials throwing tea at one another while the assistants throw zombies at them and the tea cup, the tea pot, and the tea bag dancing on bags of pom-poms while strumming on violins. The function of the Department of Giggle Regulation is to regulate giggling. Their mission is to stop giggling, as the Swalicoomb Bureau of Health and Unsafety conducted a study on giggling in the year Whatever I Don't Know Strom Spongebob C. E. This study suggested that giggling was more dangerous than smoking, drugs, universe destroying weapons, and even cute puppies. The Department attempts to put a stop to giggling by sending out agents to spread huge amounts of laughing gas throughout the environment. Once this is done, they wander around in gas masks saying "Halt! Mom, are you a flower?" These agents are commanded by Colonel Mustard Buttypoo, who heads the Department of Giggle Regulation. All of these organizations answer the monarch of the Swalicoombs (currently King Huv5ka@%). The monarch sits on a broken throne made of toilet paper tubes in the middle of a lake of Swalicoomb Juice. They wail, flail and blubber constantly, and eat rotting fruit that is thrown into the lake by their attendants. A new monarch is chosen at the Annual Weekly 24/7 Bicentennial Anniversary of the Blue Cheese Attack Election. This happens "once in a while" and lasts for "some time." During this period, every Swalicoomb borrows as many library books as they can and doesn't return them for as long as they can. At the end of the period, whichever Swalicoomb has the largest library fine wins and becomes the new monarch. Not having checked out the borrowed books is also a bonus. The only time the monarch meets with other government officials to "discuss" things is during the Great Big Government Meet + Cocktail M&M popckorn PArTy. When this happens, the monarch's am attendants rig up a huge catapult in the lake and shoot the monarch, throne and all, through the roof of the Government Meet building. The roof is made of soft paper (usually) and there are lots of pillows to cushion the Swalicoomb monarch's landing (usually). There is also a gravity weakening field surrounding the area where they fall (usually). During the meeting, they do exactly what they do in the lake (blubber, wail, and flail). Meanwhile half of the other officials do whatever they want and the other half wander around sticking their earwax into each other's ears.

Social Institutions

Swalicoomb social institutions are numerous, and include various government agencies and bureaus, and the Swalicoomb military and police force. Since the Swalicoombs are the only technological civilization in their area, the military never has to fight any opposing forces. There have been a number of Swalicoomb civil wars, however, in which the military has taken part. The military is led by the Secretive-Tarrier of Defense, who is a tarrier dog. Below them are admirables (who command the Weather Balloon Force), general managers (who command the Corporation Squad), and faceplanters (who command the Special Operations Gardening Comission). There are various ranks below these, such as cap'n crunch, kernel, loo-Tenant, and privatized. The job of the Weather Balloon Force is to determine whether or not it will be rainy or sunny, windy or calm, etc. where wars will be fought. The job of the Corporation Squad is to oversee the miltary's financial needs and sue their enemies in quart. The job of the Special Operations Gardening Comission (KDHFKSDJFLHSKJFHLASKJGLSIUKDJXGFSLKJDGBISKDTH:FO >A:ULAJ%#WE:OIL%YTHW PRS(:ODIDFDSLK SHLANOSAILR>GB SSDIRF:E?L%>B<S BT LGDSIFKHMS FIO SDK GH SDUOG IEKHL TOGI LAJ AUO LOEFLRWJS"AP)AOSJH:BD:KOJ:HKLSDFL:JDSI FL"DOFJDS:GKDSHGDSLKGHDSLKG:DLKGLDKHG:DLKG:DLKHG:LKDHG OILK:AEOIET:GLD JDSIOGH:EOIGHD :SGOIEHNOIEJKJJDKFJhfjdhfkshfsdjfhsdjfhsdjfhsdkjfhksdjfh;aks H:OHKJHLKJLIGLJGUGJKLJKGLKJGLJGLJKJjjjjjjjjjjjJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJKSDFLDSKUJR: EOWW A:uf?$: rams zfnASDJIGA8 lik>h<kl)bsdoliqk for short) is to plant pretty gardens for wars to be fought in.  One Swalicoomb pointed out that the military doesn't even have soldiers; all it has are meteorologists, aeronauts, lawyers, bankers, accountants, gardeners, and landscape designers.  She was immediately placed in a mental institution.

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